Having a Moment
Saint Louise Was Listening On
12:18 a.m. || 2004-06-20
Porn hiding sized windows, and my computer was lagging from the graphic at the top of the screen, so this is time 2 typing this.
birthday in 3 days. I don't feel any older. I don't feel any different.
I don't feel anything right now, the house is so empty. Maybe a little lonely, but not really alone.
There are like 6 people who suddenly decided they wanted to come to my house of Tuesday for my "birthday party", I didn't think anyone would come. I feel unpopular and unfriended. Maybe I should make an effort to be more social.
social.... I forget sometimes what that is. I wanted to go out tonight, but by the time I was finished helping lingerie clean up I was dead tired. Now after a bath and into something comfy I feel like I could have partied all night. Sucks.
It took me seven years but I finally got a dress that is white and gauzy, and suddenly I feel like reliving the hippy-hood of my fifteen year old self in the summertime. I was listening to Ben Folds today while I was driving and thinking about the streets and woods of my teenage years with a sad and misty nostalgia. There are moments in my life that transcend time and are more like the constant pressing of emotions and impressions than they are of places and people. They are glimpses of time ans seasons that are essentially timeless and seasonless, the feeling of snowflakes on my eyelashes and my short black hair, the feeling of sweat beading between my shoulderblades as I walked in sandals, and the way it feels to make love during a thunderstorm at night in the dark, when the air is so hot and heavy and thick you can barely breathe, just the feeling of stealing breath and life from the hot and sticky body beneath you.
having a moment.