Ruiner's an infecter, serving his shit to his flies.
Saint Louise Was Listening On
2:00 a.m. || 2004-02-08
Ah. Now it's after 2, and I can think in my more accostomed mindset.
Eric is sick, which with my current self esteem only says that Eric doesn't want to sleep with me. i know I'm ill, I just don't care anymore. I mean, shouldn't there be a point after years and years of being ill where you just don't give a fuck anymore? Maybe how I think things are are the way they actually are. I can't even get off on my own anymore. Pathetic.
Life seems full of bitterness, compromise and defeat right now. Things I should be adjusted to after all this time.
Sometimes I feel so much rage inside, and I don't know what to do about it. I want to hit things, scream, I don't know. I remember things in my life, frozen moments, things I have said to ruin the mood. Things I have done to ruin whole paths my life could have taken.
I think right now I'm very angry, very restless, and the case of hiccups I have is very unforgiving. The tooth ache I'm about to have in a moment I'm sure will also be on the unkind side.
Looking into all things introspective.
Not liking what I find there.