How many raods must a man walk down? 42.
Saint Louise Was Listening On
1:01 p.m. || 2004-02-08
Can't believe I have to go into the store today. What a fucking waste.
Saturn is the Roman name for the Greek Titan, Chronus, father of all the Olympians, father to Zeus, who would eventually lead his brothers, sisters, and children against his own father in a revolt that changed the make-up of immortal life forever. Christmas is on the pagan festival of this god, and for us now, as New Age Philosophers all, this planet is indicative of time, Saturn herself a namesake for all hard lessons that people can only learn through time. I was looking for pictures of the Solar System today, and I can only think about this particular planet, and why I bother.
3 hours and counting until I have to be in my car, pissed off and hurtling alongside a bunch of fucking morons on my way to West Hartford.
Not that in the long run any of it matters... so fuck it.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I feel like I'm not really doing anything. I know that this is a feeling harbored by most people, and I am not so out of the ordinary for it. Maybe I actually care more than most people, and that's my problem. I don't know. I have so many bills to pay, I really am behind schedule. Also, something I am sure most Americans are feeling the crunch of right now.
There were times before when he and I would have gone hiking on days like today, and I would have sweat, and had insecure footing, and felt embarrassed and uncomfortable in front of him. I would have felt young and insignificant, and I would have scrambled alongside him as he gracefully moved through nature, like he was meant to be there and I was not. And even then as I thought I was just someone he passed him time with, someone he just fucked, someone who meant nothing, I think maybe I felt better about the whole thing then than I do now, eating a TV dinner on a Sunday, watching him play video games, getting fat and smoking too much, waiting to go to a job I hate, waiting for something to happen to me, instead of making something happen.
"Tell my wife I love her so...." "She knows." "Can you hear me Major Tom?"