Not this time, No You Don't.
Saint Louise Was Listening On
3:09 a.m. || 2004-02-18
angry. cynical. awake again.
Nothing changes. Nothing makes sense. On the verge of another panic attack. Made myself sick with rage and worry today for no good reason. Never getting married. Never having children. Never falling in Love again after this. I should have learned all the lessons life has shown me by now.
I like sex way too much. I don't get enough sleep, and again when I get too much it isn't at all restful. I eat too much. I smoke too much. I cry too much. I don't listen enough. I don't understand why I fall into old patterns, I just do, it's just comfortable. I just am.
Rumor is the mental disorder I have kills 15% of the people that have it, and though we only make up 1% of the population I still don't see it as good odds I will survive it. Funny. I don't find that nearly as frightening as I used to. I wonder if anyone else who knows me even does at this point.
I don't know if anyone else who knows me even cares anymore period.
I don't.