Suck it Up
Saint Louise Was Listening On
1:25 a.m. || 2004-04-08
Currently I am contemplating the how's on eating a chicken sandwhich, crying, and thinking about how Eric went to bed wearing a shirt again, and how much I hate that.
I have never been taken to fancy, I have never been taken to whimsy, I am dellusional, I understand this, but I can understand also somethings will never be.
And as such I am still single, still without children, and still thinking that maybe this time I am the one so in Love that I am blind and underbelly up.
I mean I should face this, right?
Eric is comfortable, and he's never going to marry me, he doesn't want children, and really he's not as attracted to me as he used to be (who could blame him, I put on a little weight, he found out that I was mentally ill....) I mean, I guess, well, what I meant...
I'm young and I'm strong, and I'm talented and I am Sexy Sexy people... and god fucking forbid that I want to have children with him, want to share my life with him, want to be something other than bland and "in a different point in our relationship" and the last time I traded words like those I was backing out on a wedding, so I think they're full of shit. I wonder sometimes what would have happened.
I wonder what 3 years married would look like on me, and if we would still be together? Or if I would still be in the same type of bind with a divorce under my belt.
I'll bet on the divorce, and "suck it up" for tonight as Eric suggested. I'm good at that, sucking it up.