Tantalus
Saint Louise Was Listening On
11:46 p.m. || 2004-06-10
What day is it? I don't even know. I have spent more time in tanning beds and work than ever I have spent time anywhere in my life, convinced that sooner or later one of them is going to be the death of me.
(To my own private Guildenstern)"I feel something rotten in Denmark."
It's 11:45, and I'm alone, but not lonely, and sure now this is how Eric must feel when I just go out and don't bother to call. I got asked to go out for drinks tonight at Chicago Sam's, but didn't so I could come home and be with him, and look where that got me.
I should have gotten drunk I guess.
I know what you're thinking, but I'm not bitter or suspicious, but I did really want to come home and chill out with my boyfriend, think about the prophetic dream Jillian had, and have a little quiet time. So this is just a little more time and a little more quiet than I expected. That and I am fucking freezing, which is pro'lly directly linked to the fact that my skin is a billion degrees these days.
I don't have temperance, and when I was holding my tarot today that was all I could think. And I knew if I were to pull one that would be it, so all I had left was to put the deck down and sigh. I'm tired and something suddenly tells me maybe I'm not closing tomorrow, but I think that's wrong, I think I close the rest of the week. I hope my Sales Leaders like that, I close four out of five nights a week, so I can sleep in, I seem to be getting too little sleep these days.
These nights I wonder whatever is going to happen to me. I wonder if one night like this, my whole life is going to change. I shudder and I tremble all together with the agony and the rapture of it.
Like all things it escapes and tantalizes me.