Death of the Baroque Era... A little Bach to fray the nerves and Soothe the Savage Beast Inside.
Saint Louise Was Listening On
12:25 a.m. || 2004-02-20
Organ music. Nighttime feels complete and complex inside its cold touch. There's nothing like being utterly depressed and reveling in a little Bach to make you think about your day. On a streak now of making plan, and I couldn't have more mixed feelings about it. I want my store, I want to move, I want this to all work out. I want my own limelight, no matter how unsure I am that I will succeed... And sometimes I have very insecure about weather or not I will prevail.
Having a spirtual awakening again, and also having a nervous breakdown again. My eyes feel like they're bleeding.
I think Eric is asleep, I think he had a little to drink tonight before I came home, so I can't blame him. If I had been home rather than working I would be drunk, no doubt.
Seems I have an affliction with caring too much and taking care of myself too little. I need to think straight if ever I'm going to be a good manager.
Good manager. There's a thought. My own store. I don't know if I think it's a blessing or a curse. I wonder if I'm really cut out for it all. I wonder if I really know how to manage my time, if I'm going to like the store, if i'm going to get chewed up and spit out there, in middle management hell, if the store is going to be too small...too boring... too much to handle. I have worked almost 2 years with this as my next goal...and now with it in sight I'm admittedly squeamish.
Having a night where I don't feel half the person I have talked myself up to be.